1. |
If Only
02:14
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For now this shallow grin means nothing
Vacant as I've found that exceptions too run away
What good are words
When you don't know what is meant?
And what good are memories
Of times we never spent?
What good is ink
When the written cannot be said?
And what good is life
When you wish that you were dead?
Dead
Suburban swings now hang so still since that night
That night...if only
Five days without sunlight
Without sunshine
The walls tend to come alive
Taunt you and your greying flesh
Water will not take the stench away
Shut your mouth now, and say nothing
As your breath dooms the doves to fall limp from the sky
Shut your eyes now, quiet child
As your bar codes are being exposed
To see this breath, this steam
In the December air
To see this look of endless compassion
To lie to you
Cry to you
Die in your arms and I swear this time
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2. |
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I cannot pretend
That I remember how to dream
And no one told me
That when I became a man
The monsters would still be under the bed
And the strangers would still seem so strange
And the darkness would still incite fear
Inside me
And in knowing this
And retrieving this
Give my heart away
Give my heart away
To every single
Kiss like lemonade
It brings me to my knees
Looking down on this place
The closest thing to a christ in this world
Is the fact that I've lived long enough to regret
All the time that I've spent simply wishing away
All the things I will live to regret
There is no light at the end of this tunnel
There is no grasping a waning salvation
There is no never as no love lasts forever
In spite of what you may have heard
In spite of what you may have been taught:
Weened off of mother's breast
Forced into our still-soft mouths
Are constant lies
Are constant lies
Dismember my idealism
Before my eyes
Recognize the truth behind
The blind leading the blind
Trying to feel out my way through this mayhem
This crippled reflection of what was once my life
Bleeding-hand image of what I'm becoming
Can this disaster
Oh, can this disaster be felt?
I cannot pretend
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3. |
The Final Melody
03:42
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Every mile of this highway (Don't stop driving)
Every fading yellow line (Drag me away)
Wipes the tears that I stopped making
Kills the vision of my pale face
Wedged in stillness inside a wooden box
I will not comply
Every day seems hotter colder blacker brighter
Stairways tighter
Tired of wondering why there are holes in your reflection
Tired of wondering why
The arms which hold me
Taper off at the wrists
I won't lie: It's crossed my mind
In darkened rooms and on Sunday mornings
With sore throats and apparently nothing ahead
Damn my first steps for endearing me to this place
Damn my casket smile and their probable tears
Tears
Apathy diminshed becomes discontent
Sequelled by seclusion
Wasting my life as I'm cast into decades of silence
A bullet in the head would look great with that dress
And an exit wound about the size of a fist
I watch your dance as its cast into decades
Into decades
Watch your dance as its cast into decades
Cast into decades of silence
Don't stop driving today
I couldn't bear it
The same fucking grey sky
The same fucking streets
The same fucking day
After day
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4. |
Summer Again
02:19
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Summer again and this world stands still in my heart
Beats bare
Just like sandpaper
It is relief
From the cold of the air and the still greater chill within
My fate is my face
If I make it through just one more year
Without losing this ever-fading grin
Twitch the corners of my mouth
Sprinting downwards this losing race
Until the leaves return
I hope it still feels the same
When it's gone
When the shadows cease to follow
Will I be a man?
Am I worthy of that label?
But as for now
The greyness of the outside
Just reflects
It mirrors me alive
no
It hasn't felt the same
These past four fucking years
I know the warming air
Won't truly alight my heart
But it's better to hope for the hopeless
Than for nothing at all
Gives me something to believe in;
If I could see you I'd give you my tears
Gives me something to believe in;
Bottled as if a quaint commodity
Gives me shelter leaves me bleeding;
Something to stop me from sleeping
Every minute of the day
And save me from the atrophy
Faded initials encased in a heart
Carved into the side of a fallen tree
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5. |
Purest Intent
02:29
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If I had forever
I would live this silence
I would feed this disease
Of which you are the cause
You are the cure
So hated and yet so sought
Penetrating my everything
I thought I did
I thought I would
Be able to put this off forever
But now as my time fades away
It seems a new reality hits
And the insured tomorrow is not a constant for me
With this impending death
I admit to myself
With me shall die my petty dreams
The blood washes off and yet the shame prevails
Tearing from the eyesockets the tellers of this tale
To die with nothing
Is a choice I've made
To derpive myself
Not telling you
Just how I live through this
Never will you hear my confessions
Like the obsession that was born of crayons and toys
And shall die with me today
The blood washes off and yet the shame prevails
Tearing from the eyesockets the tellers of this tale
It's untold
And now this loathesome beast
This would've-could've-should've spectre
Will crawl into my deathbed
And I shall smell it's foul breath
My death will pain me tenfold
Because no one will know
To hell with the spent years
and fuck the shed tears
I'll burn the books and sketches
But my guilt will keep knocking
Knocking
Knocking on my bedroom door
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6. |
To Sleep While Standing
02:00
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Ensnared by the binds of consuming maturity
Insatiable demons of greed tearing from me all that's familiar
All that's sacred, all that's good
My being bent to the point
Where I no longer see that my world
Is a world of fools
The pained contortion of my face
Bears witness to the sickening irony
To gaze upon the image
Captured for eternity by machine
Would whisk away
The illness that abounds
Would wrap me within a gentle cloak
Of visions
Of the warmth and smells of that night
Countless sighs ago
Countless cries ago
Seemingly lives ago
It seems we wash our hands a bit more these days
Take me back to my home
That will forever be the past
I cringe at the grim reality
It conjures up a violence within me
Best left unseen
It seems to tear blood from my eyes
As the tears have run dry
To sleep; to dream
To come as close to that eve
As I'll ever fucking be again
As I would trade infinity
To be that naá¯ve boy again
Justified I simply submit
And now my time-enduring words
Sound like the rantings of a madman
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7. |
Treehouse Promises
02:01
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This night's final breath
Wraps a man within it's breast
Heartbeat stops at last and with it
The gathered sigh
Regard me a boy
Fate lies ahead
Only to distance us
Everyone so dear
Must fall away
Pages turn each day
And so we pledge
Treehouse promises
Burn one by one
Those who will comfort me
In the end
Are not but strangers now
And there's no hope
For brothers now, lovers now
Will all disconnect
In this apathy
Already I've lost brethren
Trial
Every transgression is further endearing me
Needed and tearing my insides apart
I look in your eyes and the kinship illuminates
So soon I will see but space
Filled with regret and the loss unspoken
You'll continue down the fucking street
Without a word
You take it away
You take it away
But the image is burned in my eyes
But the vision remains in my mind
And in your pity I've been left behind
But this is the way it has always been
This is the way it shall always be
Love shall corrupt
Friendships shall perish
Distance shall kill me
Slowly with each silent step
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8. |
Aphrasia
04:29
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Midcity sunshower sirens are blaring
I know it's not pretty but some say it's real
Let's down a few coffees and head to the shore
Sleep on the sand and hope the tide takes us in
If we're unfortunate enough to again open our eyes
Groggy and squinting we will make our way home
Either way i will have lost my smile to the waves
To the bleak screaming green
As sure as my eventual decay
Words without meaning are doves without wings
Desperate cries to death delayed by flesh
And i would laugh but i'm stuck in the middle of it
And i would cry but it seems that i've missed my chance
If they put me in the ground promise me now
A smile forced on my face
For without the pleasure or power or pain
Nothing has changed
Have it be grand
Nothing has changed
Have it say "You don't know what you're missing"
Have it imply "not a damn thing has changed except that you will still awake to the rain
And groggily make your way home
...except this time alone"
Sorry old friend, but it got old for me years ago
As time takes your life it seems futile to pretend that you're alive
And yet there's nothing I wouldn't give
And we are left to numb with age and lose the chance to see the world through virgin eyes
And yet there's nothing I wouldn't give
As every line beneath our eyes bears witness to the days that we won't soon forget
There's nothing I wouldn't give
The waves have washed away any reason for me to look back fondly upon days such as these
Still there's nothing I wouldn't give
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9. |
40 Minutes West
02:27
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Just know, that somewhere in the corners
This thing has room to breathe
Just know, that underneath the skin
Time has left a wound wide open
Arm in arm and heart to heart
Scratching at my will to breathe
Sleeping in paper castles only makes you queen
until it starts to rain
The next time that you turn and can't see your shadow
The probable reason is that I'm in the way
You invite the spiders into your bed
And cry when they have laid their eggs
Everything that I could never be;
Pray to fucking god that we never meet
Everything that I could never be
Well now we can laugh
For the rain has come
The dance is over
We're one year older
And I am going home
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10. |
More Than This
06:12
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Within the context of a pseudo-masquerade
Masked by the electric hum of melodies
The mask's removal feels so far away
And so the truest form
Indeed the naked form proclaims:
The wasted nights spent counting lines like fingerprints along the ceiling
The silent reveries that never claimed to see the light of day
The proof of something real
Something devoid of self
Could shatter cityscapes
Could stop a beating heart
Yet could never produce
One single awkward word
A single broken thought
A whispered declaration
You never promised me a world without rain
And never put out the sun
Yet in the AM I've disowned you
To see the smile that would burn itself into my heart
To see the single teardrop fall the way I'd always dreamt it would
To have every thought for just one second melt into words
For just one breath
And if life goes on the way it has
These two meek decades past
At least the lines upon my ceiling
May forget my name
If nothing else is born
From this falling star
At least I will know
That I am capable of something
Deeper than myself
Deeper than our skin
Nothing in this world has ever meant so much
To me
Please
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Dark Day Dawning Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Dark Day Dawning was a metal/hardcore band from the Philadelphia, PA area, active from 1997-2003.
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